Songs of my breakup.

Gosh well, I damn did forget about you. And lots of things have changed.

In March, my boyfriend of two years told me he cheated on me. It was an inevitable break up – I’d attempted it a month before and he talked me out. And he was a tory asshole. Life goes on.

Other than that – I turned 22 and in June I launched a feminist business with my close friend Georgia. More on that another time.

So I moved home. I got a job in a school, doing the thing I wanted to do when I was a miserable homeless grad this time last year, who settled for a job to be near her boyfriend. I’m truly glad the sequence of events happened that led me to where I am now, happy, but it’s been a tough old ride.

Nothing is worse than being cheated on. And particularly because I’ve been burned that way before (and of course he knew, because we’d discussed it lots… We’d talked it out plenty of times. I guess he picked his poison to hurt me as hard as he could. ) You feel like you weren’t good enough, like you couldn’t provide. And you know what? I fucking did. It’s his stupid loss.

But if you’re anything like me, with loads of additional time suddenly and a laptop, you’ll spend hours and hours googling. What did another girl in my position do? How did she move on? I got pretty attached to Spotify.

As a result, because I felt like writing it out would really close of this chapter (and boy have I tried a few times, like when he returned some of my stuff after two months and it included a necklace that belonged to another girl), and help me move back into the gentle thing of blogging (which admittedly I do much more frequently now because my job kind of involves that) I’d do a list of songs and things that helped me move on.

1. Clean – Taylor Swift. (or just 1989 in general)

Particularly this cover. It’s such a cathartic song – and it delivers the message I was aiming for.

2. If I Stay

The message kind of seems the opposite – that she stays, at least in part, for her boyfriend but it’s kind of just – there is so much to keep fighting for. I’m currently working on the book, having loved the film multiple times  (by which I mean I’m sort of reading it, along with about 6 other things.)

3. Fuck You – Lilly Allen

A shout out to my Manchester housemate Alice who gave me this one, in the hours and days after finding out. She was great and awesome and I was so glad she was there.

I’ve used it a few times, like when he’s text me or he’s popped up on my newsfeed. Just to remind me how much I bloody don’t miss him.

4. Don’t Dream It’s Over – Crowded House

Since the guardians of the galaxy soundtrack came out, I’ve been on a bit of a retro kick. This, and most of the Talking Heads discography have been on repeat for months. Oh and this cover is the best.

5. Lean In – Sheryl Sandberg

I read this book in between leaving my last job and starting my new one. It was pivotal. Just reading about things I’d done both in my career thus far and while with my partner – how much I, as a feminist, had bent for him. Never again.

6. I knew You Were Trouble – Taylor Swift

Because you can never have too much Taylor Swift. Also, this song was kind of my fav when we first started dating and isn’t that ironic.

That said, I’m still working on it.

P.S. I got a tattoo.

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3 responses to “Songs of my breakup.

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